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| Author | Chris Berry |
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The Tyrany Of Rose Colored Blinders
1/28/2025
For most of my adult life I have lamented my percieved waste of my earlier years. I joined the Marines directly out of high school and had a great time, making lifelong friends along the way, and yet when I looked back after separation all I could see was the 5 years that everyone else was ahead in their careers. Meanwhile I was making minimum wage and at the time trying to decide if I could still do school at the 'old" age of 25. I did not at the time account for the inactivity of post high school in many people and was in no way left behind but 25 year old me didn't know this. In time I met my wife and finished school. In doing so I learned a lot, got a footing in a career and learned more about my personality and what worked and didn't work in the business world. It was a great experience and a start to a career that many find hard to break into today. As you've probably guessed by now, looking back from my first 2 jobs all I could see was missed opportunity and an inability to get to where I wanted. It is sitting here in 2025 that I've finally managed, after considerable thought, to articulate what my problem has always been. I call it rose colored blinders.
To explain how I got to this conclusion, and a good name to describe it, I should describe the catalyst. A lot of this introspection cropped up when my wife sent me one of her favorite pictures from when we were first dating, circa 2012. At the time I was a young 26 year old, an age I would have killed to go back to at times. I just felt like things were so much simpler then, and while I was right that wasn't the winning statement it sounded like. The picture shows a much younger me in what I would generally think of as the prime of my life. The problem with this romantic rememberance of myself is I know who I really was back then. I lacked self confidence, business knowledge, and had only the most basic technical skills compared to those which would carry me through my now decade plus career. As an aside I also just looked like a baby. Looking in the mirror nowdays I see what can sometimes look like a tired old man, while also still harboring the pervasive feeling that I've never grown up. Well seeing the me of yesterdecade and the me of now has thouroughly disabused me of that notion, and comparing the two, I'd take my life now any day. I have a great family, a solid and progressing career, and I finally know who I am as a person in a way 2012 me never did.
So what are rose colored blinders. Put simply they're the negative side of what we call rose colored glasses. Looking back fondly on days gone is not a bad thing. It is what reminds us of where we are from, and the friendship and memories we've made along the way. My mistake was letting glasses become blinders. I blocked out all positive aspects of the past and saw only the negative. The slow trudging times where I felt hopeless, where I felt behind. In seeing my shortcomings I failed to see my growth. I carried that forward and let myself be influenced by it in a way that was not representative of my current reality. I still have to remind myself that while hard times shaped me into who I am, they aren't and shouldn't be my defining trait. I have worked great jobs, had outstanding mentors, and progressed in work and life in a way that 2012 me would be proud of. So now that is how I measure myself. Not against some mispercieved life of a notional high school peer, but by how happy past me would be with where my life is right now. I can honestly say that by those criteria I am doing quite well.
The Importance Of Equals
1/18/2025
I've been struggling a lot lately with a feeling that was hard to explain. I felt unfulfilled but knew that with a new job and recent promotion that wasn't right. It wasn't a lack of satisfaction about the work I was doing or my current title or trajectory. It took me months to figure this out and given the issue I'm about to explain, I have decided to write it down for anyone that cares to see. After a good deal of thinking and asking myself questions I have come to one conclusion. I just don't have an equal. I invite you to unroll your eyes from the back of your head while I explain what that really means to me.
I will preface my explanation by saying that I am currently a regional IT manager at a manfcaturing company. In this instance not having an equal means that I don't have anyone in my professional or personal circle that is where I am at in my career. I know many people far more advanced in their careers, and I know plenty who are still working their way up the ladder in their chosen fields. And that is where my problem comes in. I have nobody to talk to about where I am right now. Nobody that has the same struggles or same decisions coming up about their career. Below me people are thinking about how to get to where I am now. Above me you have directors working their way toward VP or CxO spots. And here in the middle is me. I could theoretically speak to directors about how they used to feel, but that is no longer their reality. They would be remembering more than commiserating. For the people that are currently earlier in their career I don't want to sound like an ungrateful person or, even worse, someone merely complaining as a method of humble bragging.
My largest issue stems from the fact that I am by nature a very social person. When combined with the fact that my job supports a family and therefore takes up a large portion of my waking hours, it stands to reason that it will frequently be a topic of conversation. My wife is very willing to listen but it's just not something that she understands on a level of someone who has done it. My friends are all outside of management careers, or sufficiently early or further along to be disqualified. So what is the answer? I think it is networking. I am currently near Pittsburgh and have to imagine that there are meetups and social gatherings where businessmen and managers go to mingle. It just seems daunting to go out and find something, and then to interject myself into it and hope to actually make meaningful connections. I know it sounds defeatist, but as a middle-aged man that has a total of roughly 5 solid friends I am well aware of the work and effort making and cultivating relationships takes.
So what to do. Well I've taken the first step. I've put the few thoughts I've managed to piece together in my mind down on "paper". With luck I'll share this around and possibly someone that can relate will see it. If that person is you please feel free to REACH OUT! I always welcome a chance to connect with like-minded professionals outside of LinkedIn. I could write volumes about LI but the old adage about not having nice things to say forbids it. Here's to finding real connections. Until next time remember, if the sky was the limit, there wouldn't be footprints on the moon.